Yet, I am often warned that white people shut down when they hear such harsh statements. Although I have always attributed the existence of racial bigotry to living in a country founded on white supremacy, I have recently discovered through a litany of anonymous emails that the only reason racism exists is that people like me are “always playing the race card.” Apparently, prejudice exists only because white people get tired of hearing about racism, leave their homes and summon the police to cookouts in the park.

But now that I recognize the error of my ways, I am willing to change. Instead of using the word “racist,” here are 10 words that I’m sure won’t conjure up animosity in whatever racists inequality advocates use as hearts:

10. Offensive

When Roseanne Barr called Valerie Jarrett an ape, the New York Times story called the tweet “offensive” before changing the headline to “racist.” To be clear, Barr did not compare Jarrett to an ape. Barr called Jarrett the offspring of an ape and a Muslim terrorist, which might be the most tightly condensed racist sentence ever.

Despite the long history of referring to black people as primates, the New York Times did not mention that the tweet implied that Jarrett’s race was a “primary determinant” of a human trait, which makes it inherently … you know.

9. Divisive

When Donald Trump referred to Haiti and Nigeria as “shithole” countries, media outlets and politicians said that his remarks were “divisive.” That “shithole” meeting, if you remember, was about immigration, and Trump’s remarks were part of his administration’s attempt to create a “political program based on the assumption” of race.

8. Controversial

According to almost every scientific poll, a majority of black people approve of the NFL protests against racial injustice, and a majority of whites do not. Despite the facts that most of the NFL players who protested are black, most of the league is black, and black people are disproportionately affected by injustice, inequality and being shot in the face, the NFL sided with the white opinion.

While that might sound like “a doctrine or political program based on the assumption of racism … designed to execute its principles,” the new NFL rule that fines players who don’t stand for the anthem is not racist. It is “controversial.”

7. Intolerant

Because black people are something that should be “tolerated.”

6. Working-Class

Whenever you hear about “working-class white people,” you can be sure they own a Ford F-150 and at least one Confederate flag. Even though numerous studies have shown that racial anxiety and racism were overwhelmingly motivating factors for Trump voters, don’t call them racist.

They are “working-class” white voters.

5. Biased

I love when people talk about “inherent bias” or “subconscious bias,” because it implies that their prejudice is so deeply embedded that they don’t even know it exists. It’s almost as if they believe that “race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.”

But they’re not racist, because they don’t know it.

4. Republican/Conservatives

I’m not saying that all Republicans are racist. I’m just saying that their policies always seem to negatively impact black people disproportionately and they seem to employ dog-whistle tactics to embrace the “alt-right” and white voters in order to … wait.

That sounds a lot like “a political or social system founded on racism.”

3. Old-School

A lot of white people aren’t racist. They are “stuck in their ways.” They have “old-school” traditional thinking. They want to make America great again.

“Again” is the key word because it always refers to a time when white supremacy was stronger than it is now.

2. Patriotic

If you ever want to meet the most offensive, conservative, old-school person in the world, just find someone who owns more than three American flags. Alternately, if they have one American flag but it is bigger than their bedsheets, or they have clothes that incorporate the American flag into the design, run.

Patriotic motherfuckers hate black people because we are the ones who ruined their country after we picked all the cotton, disproportionately fought in all the wars and made America a superpower. I have a recurring nightmare that I will one day be stabbed to death with the sharp end of a flagpole to the tune of “The Star-Spangled Banner” as a bald eagle gnaws at my innards.

Now, that’s old school.

1. Presidential

Because Donald Trump made racism great again.